KSI Reeses Cups - writing sample

[Badfur 13]

Ok. So, here is where we edit stuff.

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The game Happy Wars beta, yes you can only play if you have the beta update but if you do happen to have this update this is definitly one game you have got to try. I wasn't to sure about this game when I first saw it but I am a man that likes command and conquer styled games so I tried it anyways. This game has a rank system and challenging levels to top it all off it has a killer story mode. Weapons are unlocked as you play the game and conquer the world. This game is about to countries that argue about every little thing but one day they closed their little animated mouths and realized actions speak louder than words. You can play as three different branches of characters. This game is definitly on my list of favorite games and if you play it I am sure I would be on yours as well.

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I'm sorry, but there is a lot that I feel is wrong here. It's good that you are willing to learn, but it's best if you go from the ground upwards.

[Sungazer's Wife 6]

I would like this completely edited and ready for publishing by Sunday, September 30, 2012. Preferably, earlier than Sunday, September 30, 2012, so if he runs into problems when putting it up for publishing, we can get them resolved in a timely manner.

[Reeses 9]

Don't expect anything less than a challenge when you play Happy Wars beta. The whole game is based on creating flawless strategies to win. This is a command and conquer game type. This arcade is only available to Xbox Live users with the beta update. Happy Wars will be available to every Xbox Live account sometime this fall. Microsoft has never officially launched a microtransaction-fueled free-to-play Xbox 360 game. But it completely changed when the PlayXBLA announced that Happy Wars was coming to all Xbox Live accounts sometime this fall.

Happy Wars, which the Tokyo-based Toylogic developed and Microsoft Studios is publishing, is an action game in which players create custom swordsmen and then march them off into large-scale 15-on-15 multiplayer battles. In addition to being able to take part in presumably cheerful competitive combat, players may also take part in cooperative (a human team against A.I. bots) and single-player campaign modes.

Befitting the oxymoronic title, the game features a cutesy, violent art style with a touch of crazy absurdity that enables players to arm their knight with strong armor and weapons, a lady in a dress, or even a chef with a pig-shaped shield and a big hunk of meat as a weapon. These customization options are most likely where Happy Wars will show its free-to-play hand. Extra items may be awarded simply by playing, but the majority will need to be purchased separately. You can your teammates with the pre-made commands featured. This game requires teamwork and focus.Rest of details to come

[Sungazer's Wife 6]

"Rest of details to come," do you mean you are writing more about it and we need to hold off on editing it? Or, is that just saying we'll find out more another day?

[Badfur 13]

Don't expect anything less than a challenge when you play Happy Wars beta [first up, are you writing about a beta for a game? If so, it would 'the Happy Wars beta' not just 'Happy Wars beta' Also, italicize the names of the game]. The whole game is based on creating flawless strategies to win. This is a command and conquer game type.[That says nothing about the game to people that haven't played Command and Conquer. If what you mean to say is that it is a Real Time Strategy game, then say so.] This arcade is [this arcade what? game? seems like you are missing a word here.] only available to Xbox Live users with the beta update. Happy Wars [same as above] will be available to every Xbox Live account sometime this fall. Microsoft has never officially launched a microtransaction-fueled free-to-play Xbox 360 game. But it[Don't start a sentence with 'But'] completely changed when the PlayXBLA[What is PlayXBLA? Explain for readers that don't know what it is.] announced that Happy Wars was coming to all Xbox Live accounts sometime this fall.[You said this above, why repeat it?]

Happy Wars, which the Tokyo-based Toylogic developed and Microsoft Studios is publishing, is an action game[i thought you said it was like Command and Conquer? That would mean it is an RTS. Alternatively, if it is an action game, don't compare it to a game in a different genre.] in which players create custom swordsmen and then march them off into large-scale 15-on-15 multiplayer battles. In addition to being able to take part in presumably cheerful competitive combat, players may also take part in cooperative (a human team against A.I. bots) and single-player campaign modes.

Befitting the oxymoronic title, the game features a cutesy, violent art style with a touch of crazy absurdity that enables players to arm their knight with strong armor and weapons, a lady in a dress, or even a chef with a pig-shaped shield and a big hunk of meat as a weapon. These customization options are most likely where Happy Wars will show its free-to-play hand. Extra items may be awarded simply by playing, but the majority will need to be purchased separately. You can your teammates with the pre-made commands featured. [This sentence makes no sense.]This game requires teamwork and focus.

Rest of details to come