KSI Dr Creamy 7 7 Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Minecraft: More Updates More Fun! The game developers behind Minecraft: Xbox Edition announced Monday that a new update will be released in the near future. Along with routine bug fixes 4J Studios will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid and a new food mechanic to the game. Players can expect to find Ravines, Strongholds, Villages, and Abandoned Mineshafts in future Minecraft landscapes. Edible additions include melon, chicken, beef, and cooked steak along with melon and pumpkin seeds for farming. Minecraft characters will also gain a hunger bar near the health bar to measure how hungry they become. If you starve your character, fatigue will grow as you get progressively slower and eventually lose health. Enderman will finally be making an appearance in the 360 Edition as a new mob as well as Silverfish and Cave spiders. Although 4J studios has yet to announce an official release date this update can be expected as early as September 28th but may run a few weeks into October. --------------------------- Please post up some edits... I figured this would be a good topic as these announced updates are still super recent and KSI has a minecraft weekend warfare coming up. My first article so go easy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Badfur 13 Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 A few things before I go into this. Any chance you could lengthen it a bit? Generally speaking 2-5 paragraphs is a good article length here. There are of course exceptions to the rule, as it were, but on average, most articles fall within that range of length. ------------------ Minecraft: More Updates, More Fun! The game developers behind Minecraft: Xbox Edition announced Monday that a new update will be released in the near future. Along with routine bug fixes 4J Studios [i assume these are the developers for Minecraft?] will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid, [Oxford comma, not strictly necessary, and you CAN omit if you want, I just prefer it as it is a pause in the sentence.] and a new food mechanic to the game. Players can expect to find Ravines, Strongholds, Villages, and Abandoned Mineshafts in future Minecraft landscapes. Edible additions include melon, chicken, beef, and cooked steak along with melon and pumpkin seeds for farming. Minecraft characters will also gain a hunger bar near the health bar to measure how hungry they become. If you starve your character, fatigue will grow as you get progressively slower and eventually lose health. Enderman will finally be making an appearance in the 360 Edition as a new mob as well as Silverfish and Cave spiders. [This sentence feels off to me.. the italicised part, at least. Consider revising, or at least rephrasing.] Although 4J studios has yet to announce an official release date this update can be expected as early as September 28th but may run a few weeks into October. [is there any more information on this update? What about future updates? Any info on what the future holds for the game?] ------------------- In general, I don't have many issues with it, though it is a little bit short. It is written fairly well, and if I were not at school at the moment, I would definitely look more into a few things. However, at first glance, this is what I've got for ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
KSI Dr Creamy 7 7 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 4J studios, the game developers behind Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition announced Monday that a new update will be released in the near future. Along with routine bug fixes 4J Studios will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid, and a new food mechanic to the game. Players can expect to find Ravines, Strongholds, Villages, and Abandoned Mineshafts in future Minecraft landscapes providing easy items for plunder and vast new areas to explore or create in. Edible additions include melon, chicken, beef, and cooked steak along with melon and pumpkin seeds for farming. Minecraft characters will also gain a hunger bar near the health bar to measure how hungry they become. If you starve your character, fatigue will grow as you get progressively slower and eventually lose health. Enderman will finally be making an appearance in the 360 Edition as a new mob along with Silverfish; a mob that hides in rocks waiting to attack, and Cave Spiders; a mob similar to spiders but much more dangerous. Later updates can be expected to include more in world locations and a long awaited creative building mode. Although 4J studios has yet to announce an official release date this update can be expected as early as September 28th but may run a few weeks into October. A little longer, included oxford comma, fixed sentences, fixed italics mistake. Still looking for meat to add Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
KSI Ace 7 97 Posted September 19, 2012 Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Mojang? o.O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards 2
KSI Dr Creamy 7 7 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Mojang is the dev of minecraft, 4J Studios is the dev of minecraft Xbox Edition Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Badfur 13 Posted September 19, 2012 Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Better, definitely, though a couple small things stuck out, to me. ---------------------- 4J studios, the game developers behind Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition announced Monday that a new update will be released in the near future. Along with routine bug fixes 4J Studios will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid, and a new food mechanic to the game. Players can expect to find Ravines, Strongholds, Villages, and Abandoned Mineshafts in future Minecraft landscapes providing easy items for plunder and vast new areas to explore or create in. Edible additions include melon, chicken, beef, and cooked steak along['along with' effectively has the same meaning here as just 'with' itself. It's basically fluff. Time and a place for everything, but I feel it isn't necessary here.] with melon and pumpkin seeds for farming. Minecraft characters will also gain a hunger bar near the health bar[saying words back to back.. also, bar, character.. and so on, makes things sound worse. You don't say 'this character and this character with this character do x' instead, you have 'these characters do x.' Consider a slight revision to not repeat the term 'bar'.] to measure how hungry they become. If you starve your character, fatigue will grow as you get progressively slower and eventually lose health. Enderman will finally be making an appearance in the 360 Edition as a new mob along with Silverfish; a mob that hides in rocks waiting to attack, and Cave Spiders; a mob similar to spiders but much more dangerous. Later updates can be expected to include more in world locations and a long awaited creative building mode. Although 4J studios has yet to announce an official release date this update can be expected as early as September 28th but may run a few weeks into October. ----------------------------- A shorter article without fluff > a longer article with fluff. A good example of this is anime. Many of it is based on a manga, and so while the manga continues its storyline, the show will often have fluff to buy sometime for the manga to get further ahead. Each episode of the show is 2-4 chapters in the manga, if it catches up too quickly the show will basically have to stop for a month or so just to let the manga get to a point where they can do another episode. It is for reasons like this that myself, and many others just prefer to read the manga instead, because it lacks fluff that is often present in the shows, and it makes for a better story because of it. Writing articles basically has the feel. People come to read your article, the least you could do is make sure it is worthy of being read and not bore them with useless fluff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Badfur 13 Posted September 19, 2012 Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Oh, and I suggest a comma in the title (not sure if you saw that addition in the first round of edits). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
KSI twahl 7 2 Posted September 19, 2012 Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Along with routine bug fixes[COMMA] 4J Studios will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid, and a new food mechanic to the game. Say it out loud. You SHOULD naturally pause after saying that. It's just what you do, otherwise you wouldn't need it. This: 4J Studios will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid, and a new food mechanic to the game. Is the exact same thing as this: Along with routine bug fixes, 4J Studios will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid, and a new food mechanic to the game. You did this in your initial application as well. In your mob list, there should never be that many semi-colons in one sentence, they should be commas. Silverfish, ....., Enderman, ........, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Sungazer's Wife 6 Posted September 20, 2012 Report Share Posted September 20, 2012 I've been observing you guys, good job at the team work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
KSI Dr Creamy 7 7 Posted September 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 4J studios, the game developers behind Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition announced Monday that a new update will be released in the near future. Along with routine bug fixes, 4J Studios will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid, and a new food mechanic to the game. Players can expect to find Ravines, Strongholds, Villages, and Abandoned Mineshafts in future Minecraft landscapes providing easy items for plunder and vast new areas to explore or create in. Edible additions include melon, chicken, beef, and cooked steak with melon and pumpkin seeds for farming. Minecraft characters will also gain a hunger bar near the health and armor display to measure how hungry they become. If the player starts to starve fatigue will grow as you get progressively slower and eventually lose health. As if the possibility of starvation isn’t challenging enough, three new mobs will be making an appearance as well. Enderman will be incorporated in the 360 Edition as a new mob along with Silverfish; a mob that hides in rocks waiting to attack, and Cave Spiders; a mob similar to spiders but much more dangerous. Gamers should expect that as the world becomes vaster the foes will be even more formidable. Later updates can be expected to include more in world locations and a long awaited creative building mode. Although 4J studios has yet to announce an official release date this update can be expected as early as September 28th but may run a few weeks into October. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Badfur 13 Posted September 23, 2012 Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 4J studios, the game developers behind Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition announced Monday that a new update will be released in the near future. Along with routine bug fixes, 4J Studios will be adding new generated areas to explore, new mobs to fight or avoid, and a new food mechanic to the game. Players can expect to find Ravines, Strongholds, Villages, and Abandoned Mineshafts in future Minecraft landscapes providing easy items for plunder and vast new areas to explore or create in. Edible additions include melon, chicken, beef, and cooked steak with melon and pumpkin seeds for farming. Minecraft characters will also gain a hunger bar near the health and armor display to measure how hungry they become. If the player starts to starve fatigue will grow as you get progressively slower and eventually lose health. As if the possibility of starvation isn’t challenging enough, three new mobs will be making an appearance as well. Enderman will be incorporated in the 360 Edition as a new mob along with Silverfish; a mob that hides in rocks waiting to attack, and Cave Spiders; a mob similar to spiders but much more dangerous. Gamers should expect that as the world becomes vaster the foes will be even more formidable. Later updates can be expected to include more in world locations and a long awaited creative building mode. Although 4J studios has yet to announce an official release date this update can be expected as early as September 28th but may run a few weeks into October. ------------------------------ Good for the most part, just one small change.. If the player starts to starve, fatigue will grow as you get progressively slower and eventually lose health. If this, then this format. Comma after the 'this'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
KSI twahl 7 2 Posted September 23, 2012 Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 4J studios, the game developers behind Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition, announced Monday that a new update will be released in the near future. Seriously? Again? There. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Badfur 13 Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 Hmm.. missed that.. good eye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Sungazer's Wife 6 Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
KSI twahl 7 2 Posted September 24, 2012 Report Share Posted September 24, 2012 http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas_big.htm#other This should help explain, because I don't know the exact rule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Sungazer's Wife 6 Posted September 25, 2012 Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 I present to you, http://www.ksiglobal.org/blog/2012/09/25/minecraft-more-updates-more-fun-by-ksi-dr-creamy/ . Congrats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
KSI Dr Creamy 7 7 Posted September 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 :D thanks SW, the guide on posting had me super confuzled Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Sungazer's Wife 6 Posted September 26, 2012 Report Share Posted September 26, 2012 I'm sorry. <-<. I've been told through the grapevine that WorstPlayer wants you to sign up for the homepage, and for you to publish it yourself, instead of me. So.. I'm unpublishing what I did, so you can. Please ask me, Badfur, or Odin (I don't remember anybody else on the current team publishing anything yet, so we'd be the three primary to ask) any and all questions you have about posting on the front page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
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