BO2: Uprising

[God 17]

      

 

 

 

Uprising, the title of the new map back for Call of Duty Blackops 2 downloadable content.

Uprising is a map pack that adds maps extra maps besides the default maps in the game.  The map pack will be released on the 16th of april. Playstation 3 players will have to wait another month after xbox players to receive the maps. The "Uprising" map pack contains four new maps and one new Zombie map.  The Zombie map is called "Mob of The Dead".  In the zombie maps the characters will be  actors Ray Liotta,Chazz Palminteri, Joe Pantoliano, and Michael Madsen.  Also when a player dies in the Mob of The Dead that player will go to "Purgatory".   The other four maps are titled, "Studio", "Magma", "Vertigo", and "Encore".  The map packs will cost 1200 microsoft points (MSP.).  Activision said themselves that this is the most creative map pack that they will have ever released yet.  

 

Trailer:

[Badfur 13]

First, let me say that in terms of sentence flow, the article is horrible.  Allow me to explain.  This is a sentence.  So is this. This is one too. Here is a blue sentence. This sentence also has color.   That's basically what your article sounds like.   Instead of..  This is a sentence. In addition to blue sentences, there are many colorful aspects of this sentence; there are similarities between this one and that one. 

 

Uprising, the title of the new map back for Call of Duty Blackops 2 downloadable content.

Uprising is a map pack that adds maps extra maps besides the default maps in the game.  The map pack will be released on the 16th of april. Playstation 3 players will have to wait another month after xbox players to receive the maps. The "Uprising" map pack contains four new maps and one new Zombie map.  The Zombie map is called "Mob of The Dead".  In the zombie maps the characters will be  actors Ray Liotta,Chazz Palminteri, Joe Pantoliano, and Michael Madsen.  Also when a player dies in the Mob of The Dead that player will go to "Purgatory".   The other four maps are titled, "Studio", "Magma", "Vertigo", and "Encore".  The map packs will cost 1200 microsoft points (MSP.).  Activision said themselves that this is the most creative map pack that they will have ever released yet. 

 

Uprising, the title blah blah blah (period). Uprising is blah blah (period). It comes out blah (period). Wait another month (period).  See what I mean? No flow. It's like accelerating after the light turns green to come to a hard stop 300 feet later. That stop sign passes and you speed  up again to reach a red light 500 feet down the road. Consider starting slow, stopping at the sign, and wait until you have some room before you accelerate.

 

Uprising, the title of the new map back for Call of Duty Blackops 2 downloadable content.[First, it's Black Ops. When writing about something, always be sure that you have the spelling correct.   Yes, it's my job as an editor to find all the mistakes, but your article gets out quicker if I don't have many, or any, mistakes to find to begin with.  So, Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. Next, the start of the sentence. 'Uprising, the title...' sounds terrible. Consider something to the effect of 'The newest downloadable content for Activision's Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 is a map pack called Uprising.'  Don't, however, copy what I just said. Use your own words, be creative. You could also combine the sentence after this with the first one through appropriate comma use.]

Uprising is a map pack that adds maps extra maps besides the default maps in the game.  The map pack will be released on the 16th of april. [Whoop-de-doo. This sentence is lackluster. Also, April is a name, capitalise the 'A'. The sentence following it doesn't say much, combining the two would be wonderful.] Playstation 3 players will have to wait another month after xbox players to receive the maps. The "Uprising" map pack contains four new maps and one new Zombie map. [As before, these two sentences could be combined to sound much better.] The Zombie map is called "Mob of The Dead".  In the zombie maps, [Commas should be used appropriately...] the characters will be  actors [Why the extra space?] Ray Liotta,Chazz Palminteri,[...with a space after them.] Joe Pantoliano, and Michael Madsen.  Also, [The 'Also' is unnecessary in this context. Read the sentence without see, see how it still sounds excellent?] when a player dies in the Mob of The Dead that player will go to "Purgatory" [so, what is 'Purgatory'? Can you elaborate a bit on it?].   The other [Note, two spaces is fine after periods, but 3 is not good, watch out for extra spaces.]four maps are titled, "Studio", "Magma", "Vertigo", and "Encore".  The map packs [Map packs? Plural? What are the other ones called, and why are you talking about them?] will cost 1200 microsoft points[Microsoft Points is a name, be sure to capitalise when you write it.] (MSP.).  Activision said themselves that this is the most creative map pack that they will have ever released yet.  [Changing tense mid sentence isn't the best of options. 'Activision said' so, past tense. 'That they will have ever' sounds bad. 'Will' usually implies future tense, so, since the sentence is in past tense, drop it. 'That they have ever released' sounds good. 'Yet' is future tense as well.  You might say, 'but Badfur, the game isn't out yet, so ending after "released" is inaccurate.'  That is true, so, let's keep it in the future tense, or perhaps present tense. 'Activision said that this is the most creative map pack they have worked on so far.'  Still true, but since it hasn't been released yet, even mentioning the term 'release' is putting yourself in a bad place. It isn't a direct quote, so you have some wiggling room in how you convey it.]

 

That said, the article is a bit short.  Is there any other information on the map pack? 

[God 17]

Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 is releasing another map pack on April 16th.  The map pack includes five maps in total in which one of them is a Zombies game play map.  The zombies game play map is called "Mob of The Dead".  The zombies game play will have actors,Ray Liotta,Chazz Palminteri,Joe Pantoliano, and Michael Madsen as playable characters.  Along with the characters, Zombies also has a new twist to it, fallen players will be sent to Purgatory or Afterlife.  The other four maps are "Studio", "Magma", "Vertigo", and "Encore".  Encore takes place in London after a music festival.  Vertigo takes place in a futuristic Indian high rise.  Magma is staged in Japanese village that is prone to volcanic activity.  Lastly, Studio is a remake of Black Ops map "Firing Range" but in a Hollywood movie lot.  The map pack will cost $15 or 1200 Microsoft Points, but Activision offers a season pass that grants you all map packs as soon as they release for $40 or 4000 Microsoft Points.  

 

Trailer: 

[Badfur 13]

Don't put trailers in spoiler code.  They are supposed to be seen, so don't hide them.

[Badfur 13]

Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 is releasing another map pack on April 16th.  The map pack includes five maps in total, in which with one of them is being a Zombies game play map.  The zombies game play map is called "Mob of The Dead".  The zombies game play [You say this too much, instead put 'Mob of the Dead'] will have actors,Ray Liotta,Chazz Palminteri,Joe Pantoliano, [Where are the spaces after the commas?] and Michael Madsen as playable characters.  Along with the characters, Zombies also has a new twist to it, fallen players will be sent to Purgatory or Afterlife.  The other four maps are "Studio", "Magma", "Vertigo", and "Encore".  Encore takes place in London after a music festival.  Vertigo takes place in a futuristic Indian high rise.  Magma is staged in Japanese village that is prone to volcanic activity.  Lastly, Studio is a remake of Black Ops map "Firing Range" but in a Hollywood movie lot.  The map pack will cost $15 or 1200 Microsoft Points, but Activision offers a season pass that grants you all map packs as soon as they release for $40 or 4000 Microsoft Points. 

[God 17]

 

 

Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 is releasing another map pack on April 16th.  The map pack includes five maps in total, in which with one of them is being a Zombies game play map.  The zombies game play map is called 'Mob of The Dead'.  The zombies game play will have actors, Ray Liotta,Chazz Palminteri, Joe Pantoliano, and Michael Madsen as playable characters.  Along with the characters, Zombies also has a new twist to it, fallen players will be sent to Purgatory or Afterlife.  The other four maps are "Studio", "Magma", "Vertigo", and "Encore".  Encore takes place in London after a music festival.  Vertigo takes place in a futuristic Indian high rise.  Magma is staged in Japanese village that is prone to volcanic activity.  Lastly, Studio is a remake of Black Ops map "Firing Range" but in a Hollywood movie lot.  The map pack will cost $15 or 1200 Microsoft Points, but Activision offers a season pass that grants you all map packs as soon as they release for $40 or 4000 Microsoft Points. 

 

 

 

 

[God 17]

 

 

Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 is releasing another map pack on April 16th.  The map pack includes five maps in total, with one of them is being a Zombies game play map.  The zombies game play map is called 'Mob of The Dead'.  The zombies game play will have actors, Ray Liotta,Chazz Palminteri, Joe Pantoliano, and Michael Madsen as playable characters.  Along with the characters, Zombies also has a new twist to it, fallen players will be sent to Purgatory or Afterlife.  The other four maps are "Studio", "Magma", "Vertigo", and "Encore".  Encore takes place in London after a music festival.  Vertigo takes place in a futuristic Indian high rise.  Magma is staged in Japanese village that is prone to volcanic activity.  Lastly, Studio is a remake of Black Ops map "Firing Range" but in a Hollywood movie lot.  The map pack will cost $15 or 1200 Microsoft Points, but Activision offers a season pass that grants you all map packs as soon as they release for $40 or 4000 Microsoft Points. 

 

[Badfur 13]

Do you even read what I write?

[Sungazer's Wife 6]

Bump